A guy tried to sell me a coffin, I told him that’s the last thing I need. -hethethesethose

I made my bowl of yogurt, I then squeezed some honey on it in a "B". I told my wife, from across the kitchen "there's a honeybee in my yogurt!" She comes over, looks in the bowl, and says only "it's 6 o'clock in the morning." I could hear her eyes roll. It was great! -impvette

Me: what's up kiddo?

Daughter: my ear is bothering me.

Me: what are the symptoms?

Daughter: it's Ear-ritating me.

Me: laughs hysterically. -Elfere

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short. -Agitated-Try-5474

My niece calls me Ankle. I call her my Knees. -avadhut1

As told by my son: Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who’s the biggest in the family? The baby - because he’s a little Bigger. -yellowlemonie

What do you call a hooker you pay with spaghetti? A pasta-tute. -emeryjane90

My psychologist says I'm addicted to puns about textiles and needlework. Or sew it would seam. -KCL80

One day a boy broom met a girl broom and they fell in love. They decided to get married! Just before the ceremony, the girl broom went to find the boy broom to tell him something. She said, “Guess what?! We’re going to have little whisk brooms!” And the boy broom replied, “How can that be? We’ve never even swept together!” -Fluffy_Momma_C

I didn’t like the new Mexican restaurant because I saw a lot of weird spices in my food. I just couldn’t bay leaf my eyes. -liladots

My son told me he wants to be a cowboy, so I had to give him the bad news. He’s stuck being a human boy. -Masselein

I bought some helium balloons for my son's birthday. They're a pretty expensive item to buy these days...Mainly due to the rise of inflation. -HugoZHackenbush2

My wife is trying to convince me she doesn’t poop. I think she’s full of crap. -zerok_nyc

Six topless women sounds nice. Dozen tit? -fusionblast

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name. -aquarian9

Did you know you cant use "beef stew" as a computer password? It's not stroganoff. -mitcheg3k

What did Juan say when he met another Juan? "Huh, I guess it takes Juan to know Juan."-Jfire_Tunes

Diarrhea Awareness Week begins on Monday...Runs until Friday. - Loose_Pilot574

SpongeBob may be the title character in the TV show. But Patrick is the star. -porichoygupto

If you think about it, every photo of farmland is cropped. -myverypunnydad